


Nobody's Picture Perfect

by sperrywink



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, M/M, the abyss - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 01:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20267647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's picture perfect.





	Nobody's Picture Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write fluff as usual and then this happened.

The hardest thing Blaine had ever done was delete Kurt’s contact from his phone. It hurt more than breaking up with him, since they had broken up multiple times before without losing contact. This time though, Blaine knew he had to cut contact for his mental health, if nothing else. He was becoming someone he didn’t recognize.

He didn’t know when it happened but his love had turned into obsession, and he knew it was leading him down a dark path. It’s one thing to be consumed by a person when they love you back, it is another to still be hung up on them when they didn’t. It’s one thing to be moved to acts of kindness by your love for another person, pining was fine, but once you felt trapped and desperate, it had gone to far. And Blaine knew he was gone when he seriously pondered a way to bug Kurt’s loft from Ohio. He totally trusted Kurt, he really did, but he just wanted to know what was so distracting that Kurt didn’t have the time for him. Who was so distracting. 

And when he found himself surfing surveillance websites, it was like a cold, wake-up call. So, he did what he should have done months ago, and deleted Kurt’s contact. At least they lived in different states so he didn’t have to worry about stalking Kurt in his daily life. Not that he would do that, but even to himself he didn’t sound so self-assured. He was surprised at how easy his love had turned dark, and he had a sudden appreciation for the depths the human soul could go. As Nietzsche said, stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back into you. 

The sad thing was that he knew in his deepest heart that despite promising they would always be friends; Kurt would not be calling him. Blaine had initiated contact every time for the last three months, again, because he was desperate to just hear Kurt’s voice. He had realized last week that the relief and calm he felt when he had Kurt’s attention was one-sided. Kurt didn’t have the same visceral reaction to him and this was why they would never work. They should be equally invested in each other, not this one-sided hell.

So, he trudged through every day afterwards thinking about Kurt, but deliberately not asking around for his number. He remembered half of it, but he had never memorized it in the first place, so it was easy to confuse whether it ended in 42 or 24, or maybe started with that. He resolutely told himself, if he didn’t know, he couldn’t call.

As he suspected, Kurt never called him.

And then two months later, he was coming out of the Lima Bean and ran into Kurt. He suddenly realized staying in the town where Kurt’s family lived was maybe not his brightest idea.

He said, “Kurt, hey,” as his heart pounded in his chest. He hated how he still reacted to Kurt’s presence, but knew that was the problem.

Kurt said, “Blaine! So good to see you. You haven’t called in a while,” and then went in for a hug, which Blaine stiffly accepted, wondering what fresh hell this was. Kurt could act happy to see him, but ignore him when he wasn’t in front of his face. It was equally heartbreaking anew and frustrating. Because if Kurt could be that happy to see him, why couldn’t he be just as in love when they were apart?

Looking down at his coffee with a bitter smile, Blaine just said, “Yeah, busy, you know.”

“We should definitely get together. I’m home for the next couple of weeks for the holidays.”

“Right, sure.” Blaine was a bit confused as to why Kurt would want that, but then he looked at Kurt’s face and saw the calculated look there. He realized Kurt was looking for a holiday hook-up. That Blaine meant nothing more than a failsafe for Kurt’s ego.

It was like ice water in his veins, so when Kurt went in for a kiss to say good-bye, he jerked back wondering who was the last person Kurt had kissed. He suddenly knew it wasn’t him. Kurt gave him a surprised look, and it was on the tip of Blaine’s tongue to apologize, but then Kurt was saying, “Okay; we’ll talk soon. See ya!”

Kurt bustled into the coffee shop, and Blaine could finally get in his car and breathe through the pain. In some ways he couldn’t believe he had shut Kurt down, even just in gestures, if not in words. As sad as it was to say, he didn’t know his self-respect was greater than his obsession with Kurt. So, he seriously began considering Cooper’s invitation to move to L.A. He really didn’t feel confident that he would be able to resist Kurt forever if he continued to run into him.

So, six months later he was in sunny L.A. starting summer school at UCLA to finish his degree. He still thought of Kurt way too often, but at the same time he felt proud that he was getting on with his life. He might never feel as in-love as he had felt with Kurt, but he thought of him significantly less than he did and hoped he could find a _mutual_ love with someone new.

When leaving the campus coffee shop he was surprised to run into Sebastian. Sebastian seemed equally surprised, but recovered faster. “Hey killer. Didn’t ever expect to see you here.”

“Uh, yeah, I just transferred in.”

With an oh-so-familiar, downturned, self-deprecating smile, Sebastian just said, “Lucky me.”

And Blaine was stunned enough to just say, “Oh,” because he recognized that smile from the inside. It was the same bitter smile he got when he thought of Kurt. Suddenly Blaine got it in a way he never had before. Why Sebastian had thrown that slushie and why he was so cutting so often. His relationship to Blaine had turned out similar to Blaine’s unhealthy relationship to Kurt.

Sebastian gave him a questioning look, and feeling something he couldn’t define, Blaine said, “Want to get a coffee? My treat.”

“You’re on your way out with a coffee, Blaine.”

“I know, but I’d like to catch up.”

With the briefest of exposed looks, Sebastian nodded decisively and replied, “I… sure, why not.”

Blaine smiled at him, happy for reasons he could barely define. It wasn’t that he felt he was doing Sebastian a favor or anything like that, but that he was righting a wrong. Maybe it was Kurt’s wrong to Blaine, but Blaine could pay it forward to Sebastian. Or at least it felt that way.

And surprisingly Blaine found himself having a good time and laughing more than he had in almost a year. He looked at Sebastian with new and more sympathetic eyes, and he liked what he saw. Sebastian just seemed to bask in the attention, and while before Blaine had always figured Sebastian was just the worst kind of attention-whore, he now wondered if it was just how he was with Blaine. If Blaine’s attention made him feel as special as Kurt’s had made Blaine feel.

If so, he didn’t want to take advantage of it the way Kurt had taken advantage of him, but he couldn’t deny the impetus to spend more time with Sebastian. So, when they were getting ready to part, Blaine asked for his number again. With another one of those previously inscrutable looks that suddenly made sense to Blaine, Sebastian said, “If you like, killer.”

Blaine just said, “I would,” and knew with his greater understanding of human nature and his increased compassion, he wouldn’t leave Sebastian hanging but would definitely call.

Which he did two days later, and then Sebastian called him three days after that, and before Blaine knew it, they were talking daily and going out for coffee or lunch two or three times per week.

And when Sebastian brushed a tender kiss across his lips a month later, he happily reciprocated as he felt that calmness in his mind and belly anew but different this time, because he was confident it was the same for Sebastian. After they traded kisses for a while, Sebastian touched one of his curls and asked, “Why now?”

Not wanting to give a facetious answer, Blaine thought about it. In the end he admitted, “Because I grew up and understood the close line between love and obsession better.”

With a searching look Sebastian replied, “Sounds ominous.”

Blaine gave him a small smile. “It was, but with you it isn’t anymore. I’m not scared of who I’ll become.”

“Huh, I thought you were talking about me.”

“Maybe both of us. We can be obsessed about each other, and it’ll be okay.”

“You say the best sweet-nothings,” Sebastian said with a smile.

Blaine kissed him back, and then said, “I’m serious, you know. I finally understand your darker side because I found myself there as well. I just… feel a kinship now that I appreciate. Not everyone deals with heartbreak so profoundly.”

“I never said you broke my heart.”

“No, but I am sorry I did.” 

Sebastian gave him a cautious smile. “Cheeky.”

Blaine smiled. He might orbit a little too closely around Sebastian as was his way in love, but he felt confident that Sebastian would be orbiting just as closely around him, and that made it perfect for them.

He touched Sebastian’s lips and confidently said, “You love it.”

Sebastian replied, “I do, so help me, I do,” and their next kiss was like embracing the abyss and finding the joy in the wholeness of his heart, both the good and the bad.


End file.
